fck it.
Enraged on >> 23 May 2006 || 9:32 pm

ramble. RAMBLE. ramble

[edit] I'm actually fine, please don't think I'm going psycho because I'm not and I will survive the hsc.[/edit]

I'm so tired. I'm so sick of the hsc. I don't want to put up with the stress anymore.

I've had enough of crying everynight, breakdowns before I sleep, temper trantrums every hour. FCK! I once told myself, I'd never let this happen to me- it's only the hsc. When things like this happens, I just want to give up on everything and cry for the rest of my life because I didn't try hard enough. But really, all those sacarfices we've made for that one fcking number, is it worth it?! Time is so precious, every minute counts yet why am I blogging? Why was I checking my friend's blogs before? "My hsc is on the line" FCK I'm so sick of it. I give up. I just don't care any more. I don't have that hunger for high marks anymore, but instead the attitude is; get it over and done with.

I've been sleeping at 1am and getting up at 5-6am, around 4-5hours sleep per night. I can't handle this. I haven't seen my eyes being 'not-red-and-not-swollen' for a while. I'm aching because I spent a tiring 4hours at state library looking for sources for biology, and when I found two articles the fcking oldies were on the printing machines. I waited for what seemed like an hour and still they were there fckn hags. They were so fckn rude as well, arghhhh maybe this is why I lack respect for others. When I TRY AND AM nice, all I fckn get is a door slammed in my face. arghhhhhskflskskjghsarkjgbsdkjhgiusdbtfjs

I'm pist because I have to waste another afternoon to print them off next wk. FMD.

*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
________________

ANYWAYS

I was procrastinating before, reading Jonathan's blog =)! He raised the topic of identity, individuality and I guess, what is 'real'? It's so fckn true. We have all conformed into society, that's right, even all the EMOS out there, by attempting to stand out (the little white boy from school with fckn hair that covers his entire face YES YOU TOO) you have conformed (I don't have anything against emos). And those people who claim 'I started the trend, so you're copying me', you can fck off too, NO UR NOT COOL, you probably copied that style from somewhere else too. There isn't such thing as 'original' in this world anymore.

So, if you grew up in an enclosed box would you become completely individual, not influenced by your surroundings and other people/things around you? The answer is no! It's absolutely impossible to know the real you, there is no such thing as 'real', because like cells, we are nothing, and we become something of use, by becoming differentiated. If there isn't a 'real' so, how do we define what is 'fake'?

*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
Wow. Shit, that did me good. There goes all my anger =)!

xx
That's all folks <3.

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